As a kid, I didn’t like Weebles. I understand the fascination with a wobbly toy when you’re a child. Aside from that, what’s the point? If you have a Weeble collection and a bunch of Weeble accessories, you still have to schlep the fucking thing down the slide, or it wobbles off. This is a […]
When I would complete my Barbie obsession with a disturbing photo montage. Will the person or persons who whacked Barbie, please contact Mattel? Sales have plummeted. I mean, there is a boy in the world missing his Barbie doll. Evidently someone forgot to parent the child who owns this Barbie. I never thought of […]
Every month the lining of my U-terrace flows like a Yosemite waterfall. What a good girl. We’ve had a menstrualationship for quite a few years. And, yet, Crampella De Ville tightens her grip on my womb like clockwork on day 3. This is pretty much a rinse repeat deal, so why she insists on waging war against my body makes […]
My dear friend and writerly colleague was diagnosed with a brain tumor a few months ago. On the heels of that delicious news, she was brutally assaulted in our beloved NYC, in broad daylight. The guy looked normal, which, let’s face it, is really insult to injury, isn’t it? Please help us raise money for […]
This week, like other weeks, I was tweeting my usual nonsense; Barbie murders, Gay Ken dolls, ethnic Barbies, Barbie heads placed ever so carefully in cartoons of eggs, quotes, political cartoons, a few articles, things via Dear Thyroid and, among other things, shit that’s on my mind for no particular reason. Fortunately, my gracious and lovely […]
Speaking for myself, I’ve never met a woman who recalled a childhood memory exuding joy about peeing. As a teenager, one late night, stoned out’ my fuckin’ noggin, I peed downhill and watched the stream, wondering how many ants were drowning. That was cool, or so I thought. Most of us weren’t aware of our […]
As a child, you were delighted when you learned to pee standing up all by yourself. WOW. Big accomplishment, to be sure. Of course, aim wasn’t as momentous as repainting the bathroom with Martha Stewart’s line of “Spring Your’Eyen. Growing up, discovering morning erections were, at first, scary, I’m sure. A former pee machine was […]