Tag: mock paper scissors

Recent Posts

The Problem with Penises

Recently, I wrote an essay on Mock Paper Scissors about the Problem with Penises.

This essay isn’t about bashing men. Good men know who they are. Women recognize and appreciate those men. In fact, you’re our gold standard for how all men should treat women. The fact that I need to include this disclaimer is part of the issue.

Since forever, penises and their handlers (PH’s) have been granted astonishing privilege and power over vaginas and their handlers (VH’s). Penises are lauded as funnier, smarter, decisive, and significantly more adept at everything. They’re encouraged to treat VH’s as the fairer sex, less than, and to behave like a gentleman through acts of chivalry. Or as we call it, misogyny, mansplaining, sexual harassment, rape, sexual assault, or rape adjacent behavior, among other things. PH’s think it is their birthright to exert total control over a VH whenever they see fit. Society has taught VH’s that we were put on this earth to live in servitude of PH’s, and that our worth is tied to a PH’s desire to marry us [].

Recent Work for 2017

recent work 2017 political essays, humor essays by katie schwartzRecent work includes a lot of political essays at Mock Paper Scissors and Huffington Post. Recent humor essays can be found via The American Bystander, a quarterly print magazine that every comedy nerd should buy ASAPY.

Mock Paper Scissors/Huffington Post

The American Bystander

I’m in pre-production on comedy shorts and pilots. I will spill as these projects evolve.

Hold the Freakin Bus

I wrote a bad headlines post on Mock Paper Scissors. Johnny B left a comment about “Ty-Me“, a couple o’ clowns. Sadly, I don’t think they went to clown college. Such a shame. I’m sure they would have made a huge splash in the hippest of clown circles.

About Ty-Me

Started clowning in church, the kids got to big to kep clownin g and I just kept clowning.

clowning, balloon twisting, clown magic,Santa, Easterbunny

YouTube Video

They call me Ty-Me, used to call me Ty-Knee but I married Miss-Me so now they Call me Ty-Me.

I think Ty’s biography is masterfully crafted. Instead of choosing flowery adjectives, he chose to be direct and omit grammar. Aside from his interests in Santa and the Easter bunny, I was impressed by the fact that he married another clown named, Miss-Me and they merged their names to, Ty-Me. Does it get any cuter?

Tengrain, Founder of Mock Paper Scissors, posted, “Bad Instructions, Cont…


Aside from falling passionately and desperately in love with this scrip, I’m also left with oodles of questions and nowhere to turn for answers, so my love is tempered with a bit of sorrow. Was this prescription for a woman who had two vaginas? Was this a shared prescription between two women? Speaking for myself, unless I’m baking bread in my lady parts, I’ve never been given a scrip for vadge capsules. Of course, I’m probably over-thinking this and taking it too literally. Still. This girl can’t help but wonder who’s vagina this scrip belongs to.

If said vagina owner or handler happens upon this post, please don’t hesitate to email me.

As you were.


PS: Thanks for the image, Jezebel.