The first issue of The American Bystander, a new print-only humor magazine, began with a letter from the publisher predicting failure. “This is willfully re-launching the Titanic,” Michael Gerber wrote last fall, “knowing full well it will sink.”
The New York Times! Congratulations, Michael!
Anyone who knows is keenly aware of my disdain for gyms and phobia of trainers. If I walked into a gym, I wouldn’t know what the fuck to do. I don’t wear gym-ee clothes. Those machines look like they were created by Hitler. I’ve kept the one mirror in my house shrouded for years. Yes, I have issues, I know. Moving along…
A while ago, I found myself in a situation where running wasn’t possible. Walking wasn’t cutting it. Among other issues. Plus, I’m a sundial on toothpicks, literal tiny picks, I’m 5’3 and ¾ on a good day.
Four months ago, I was renewing my car registration at AAA which is next to David Barton Gym in Century City. On a whim and with great trepidation, I approached the front desk and asked them to have someone call me.
When the phone rang, to say that I was a combative cunt is far too complimentary. Still. Sabrina was incredibly kind and asked me to come in and work-out with a trainer. Against my better judgment I agreed. The trainer they paired me with, Adam Lucki (who was really unlucky to get me), GOT ME.
My misconceptions about trainers were dispelled. He didn’t want to make me vomit or injure me. I have been working out with him for 4-months. I’m down 30 pounds and inches. We dish about everything. He’s a huge fan of cursing and doesn’t censor me. I’ve never been injured once.
The experience has and continues to be life changing. Adam is fucking great. Recently, we discussed what we thought of each other when we first met. He HATED MY FUCKING GUTS – And really, who can blame him?! He pushed through and never gave up on me. Now, we’re golden. We work very well together.
If you’re looking for a personal trainer, you have got to hock Adam firstname.lastname@example.org. Check out his scandaliscious Instagram. He’s amazing, knowledgeable and funny. Every day is a new work-out and adventure.
Trainer boy in action.
I’ll never be gym-eee, but thanks to Adam, I am loving how much my body is changing. I also wouldn’t understand all of the benefits of exercising in a gym and so much more.
Trainer boy is inspiring as fuck, is he not?
Redbubble makes the most fabulous iPhone cases and this is one of my favorites, We are the granddaughters of the witches you were Unable to Burn. Nothing but love for this baby.
This is so funny. The exercise Messiah teaches us how to workout for God.
May #Anonymous have great success taking down #DonaldFuckingTrump!