The American Bystander… You’re Welcome

Michael Gerber‘s quarterly print humor magazine, The American Bystander features sumptuous tales by comedy writers and gorgeous and subversive illustrations by artists. Every page is illustrated and written to perfection.
This week, Bystander has been covered by Newsweek Last month, The New York Times
They’re just above the halfway mark, fundraising for the latest installations. Please donate a few bucks and share with your friends.
I very much appreciate it. You will LOVE, LOVE, LOVE this magazine if you haven’t read it yet. Get on it, chickadees.

How Can We Say All Lives Matter When Black Lives SO OBVIOUSLY DON’T?!

My brother sent me a video last night of a black teenage girl being raped by a police officer while in custody. Watching, I wanted to leap into frame with a baseball bat and crack the officer’s head open. I wanted to hold her tight and promise her that I could keep her safe. I wanted to apologize profusely, and to remind her that her life mattered, and that she didn’t deserve to be raped.

I am gutted, enraged and heartbroken. The imagery of her rape is seared into my memory. I will never forget.

I will never forget: Keith Lamont Scott’s brutal murder at the hands of police officers. Terence Crutcher’s murder in Tulsa. Philando Castile’s murder after being pulled over for a broken taillight and shot four times by a police officer. Alton Sterling’s murder while selling CD’s outside of a convenience store who was restrained, on the ground and couldn’t move, and was shot three times by a police officer at point blank range. Or these 15 Black Women who were Killed During Police Encounters.


Being a Jewish person, I was raised to never forget the Holocaust, ever. If we forget, I was taught, then it would happen again. It’s happening again. We are in the throes of another Holocaust that began with slavery of black men, women and young children. America continues to perpetuate its original sin, treating black people like second class citizens. There is no true equality under the Constitution for African Americans.

Trump, if elected, will defend the Holocaust against African Americans, and with more extreme force. To his racist cocktail, he’s added Muslims, Latinos, and every other minority. Trump wants to bring back Stop-and-Frisk, a deeply racist act. He wants to give the police more power. Donald Trump has accused the Black Lives Matter movement of “dividing America.” “Donald Trump, Forgetting Slavery And Jim Crow, Claims Black Americans Have Never Been Worse Off. “Our African-American communities are absolutely in the worst shape that they’ve ever been in before. Ever, ever, ever.” Fraternal Order of Police have endorsed Trump which is as horrifying as the NRA’s endorsement and the KKK’s- extremist organizations that all cause harm.


Too many white people are passive racists because they don’t intervene or speak up when a stranger, friend or colleague says something racist. Add to that a die-hard bigot running for president who incites violence against black people. “Trump’s Facebook Fans Call for Race War.” By not damming those comments or deleting them, Donald Trump is encouraging a race war. “Make America White Again.” White supremacists worship at the altar of The Trump, and he worships at the altar of fascistic strongmen. “In countless collisions of color and creed, Donald J. Trump’s name evokes an easily understood message of racial hostility.” “Donald Trump: Black Lives Matter Is ‘Divisive,’ Black People Just Need to Be Cheered Up.” Seriously?! ‘Rather than promoting a resolution of the racial tensions that prompted the Black Lives Matter movement, Mr. Trump has called the protesters’ “a disgrace” and told Fox News Channel that “I think they’re looking for trouble.”

Trump Campaign Chair, Kathy Miller said, “There was no racism until Obama,” and continues to spew overt racist remarks- advocating white privilege by saying that whites have given blacks opportunity they squandered. She’s completely missed the point, because she doesn’t believe that blacks are equal. Her purview is us versus them. There are millions of her ilk roaming the streets freely, along with the KKK, neo-Nazi regime and racist police officers who shoot first. Trump’s son, Donald Trump Jr. exercises racism every chance he gets.

We need Black Lives Matter, We Are Here Movement and Stop the Killing. Without them, there would be no movement to achieve equality. Nobody fighting daily to exterminate institutionalized racism.

How do we make it stop?


You Love Donald Trump and You’re Never Breaking up with Him!



Trump ‘knows words and has the best words.’ He’s charismatic, charming and takes your breath away. Seeing him in person, you feel a bit swoony and taken aback. His big, booming personality and signature scowl makes you feel equal parts grateful that you showed up, titillated and nervous about what he might say about you. But you showed up, you proved your loyalty and that matters to you.

Because of this, you also feel protective of him. It’s not that you’re making excuses for his racism, bad behavior, and crackpot conspiracy theories because that is NOT who you are. No way would you stand for that shit. You’re educated, wise, and more than capable of making decisions for yourself!

When Trump barks in a measured, yet assertive tone, “Can you imagine how badly I’ll feel if I spent all of that money, all of this energy, all of this time, and lost? I will never, ever forgive the people of Connecticut. I will never forgive the people of Florida and Pennsylvania and Ohio, but I love them anyway. We’ll see. I think we’re gonna do very well.”

Your worst fears have just come to fruition. In your eyes, he’s made himself vulnerable. You feel beholden to him. No part of you can let him down, not after he just said that! The very idea of it is so terrifying, you feel rattled to the core. You think to yourself, no matter what, I’m going to vote for you, Trump.

You continue rationalizing his behavior, “oh, he’s just kidding.” “Maybe women are fat pigs and slobs.” “I guess there are too many Mexicans in this country. “Perhaps Muslims are dangerous. Look at all the bad things they’ve done to Americans.” “Why should we keep the peace with other countries?!” “He’s right. We have nuclear weapons, let’s use them.” “President Obama is the Founder of ISIS and he wasn’t born in the U.S.A.” “Hillary Clinton is a disaster and a liar.” “Trump didn’t attack a judge, he merely pointed out the conflict of interest regarding Trump University’s lawsuit and Judge Curiel’s Mexican heritage. Trump’s building a wall, so he can’t be impartial.” And on, and on, and on.

You chase the highs of Trump’s praise and will do anything to avoid being reprimanded by him.

I have terrible news for you, you are in love with a narcissist, an entirely different species. Unfortunately, no matter how much love you shower him with love, it will never be enough. Speaking from experience, I understand the depth of your love and abject terror of betraying him. I know what it feels like to gloss over his actions and rationalize them in your psyche as normal, when all evidence is to the contrary. I know that his charm washes away the horrible things he’s said and done. Even though there are a thousand people at this rally, he’s speaking to me, you know it! That fills you with warmth and acceptance. You’ll do anything to hear it and protect it because it signifies love and connection.

Here’s the cold hard truth, you have to break-up with him. He’s a narcissist, he’s not running for you, he’s running for himself. His tax proposals benefit him and his corporations. He’s spending donor’s hard earned money on his own companies, and increased the rent of his campaign headquarters, Trump Towers. Remember he said that he would fund his campaign? He’s not doing that. He praises dictators and invites them to corrupt our elections. He wants to start a war. He wants to limit Freedom of Speech. He hates women. He hates people of color. He hates Muslims. He wants to deport an entire religion from the United States and not let them enter the U.S., unless they pass his ideological test. He wants to deport 11 million Mexicans. He’s anti-Semitic. He wants to usurp the Constitution of the United States, among other things.

I know this is painful to hear, but he represents the worst of America, not the best. All of this is horrifying and doesn’t represent the America we know and love. I beg you to please read this article from Rolling Stone about Trump and learn who Trump really is.

We are a country created by immigrants. This was never a white country.

Be brave! Break-up with the narcissist. I know it’s unfathomable. I know it’s terrifying. Who will you be without him? What does life even look like without him in your life? How will you survive? I GET IT. I FEEL YOUR PAIN ON A VERY PERSONAL LEVEL. I promise, you will come out the other side and when you do, you’ll feel rejuvenated and whole again. It won’t be easy. You’ll have to fight harder than you ever imagined, but if I can do it, anyone can. I know this because I am the worst case scenario.

Though you have misgivings about Hillary Clinton — and I get that — she deserves your vote. Clinton will safeguard our domestic and international policies. She will act in the best interests of Americans. She’s not a narcissist. She will build on Obama’s legacy.

I know what you’re thinking, this bitch is insane?! Who does she think she is?! What the hell does she know about me?! I don’t want to vote for Hillary!

Fair enough. You have every right to feel that way. I’m not insane. I am someone who has endured physical and emotional trauma from a narcissist, and for more years than I care to admit. I don’t know anything about you, aside from the fact that we both love a narcissist and that forever bonds us. I understand that you don’t want to vote for Hillary. Consider this, you’re not voting for Hillary, you’re voting against a narcissist and standing up to Trump and saying, “I AM NOT ON THIS EARTH FOR YOU TO ABUSE AND TAKE ADVANTAGE OF! I AM MY OWN PERSON! I WILL NOT ALLOW YOU TO MAKE ME FEEL BEHOLDEN TO YOU ONE MORE DAY! I BELIEVE IN MY COUNTRY! I BELIEVE IN MYSELF!”

Give it some thought and let’s discuss. You’re not alone.


Get Lucki

Anyone who knows is keenly aware of my disdain for gyms and phobia of trainers. If I walked into a gym, I wouldn’t know what the fuck to do. I don’t wear gym-ee clothes. Those machines look like they were created by Hitler. I’ve kept the one mirror in my house shrouded for years. Yes, I have issues, I know. Moving along…

A while ago, I found myself in a situation where running wasn’t possible. Walking wasn’t cutting it. Among other issues. Plus, I’m a sundial on toothpicks, literal tiny picks, I’m 5’3 and ¾ on a good day.

Four months ago, I was renewing my car registration at AAA which is next to David Barton Gym in Century City. On a whim and with great trepidation, I approached the front desk and asked them to have someone call me.

When the phone rang, to say that I was a combative cunt is far too complimentary. Still. Sabrina was incredibly kind and asked me to come in and work-out with a trainer. Against my better judgment I agreed. The trainer they paired me with, Adam Lucki (who was really unlucky to get me), GOT ME.

My misconceptions about trainers were dispelled. He didn’t want to make me vomit or injure me. I have been working out with him for 4-months. I’m down 30 pounds and inches. We dish about everything. He’s a huge fan of cursing and doesn’t censor me. I’ve never been injured once.

The experience has and continues to be life changing. Adam is fucking great. Recently, we discussed what we thought of each other when we first met. He HATED MY FUCKING GUTS – And really, who can blame him?! He pushed through and never gave up on me. Now, we’re golden. We work very well together.

If you’re looking for a personal trainer, you have got to hock Adam Check out his scandaliscious Instagram. He’s amazing, knowledgeable and funny. Every day is a new work-out and adventure.

Trainer boy in action.

I’ll never be gym-eee, but thanks to Adam, I am loving how much my body is changing. I also wouldn’t understand all of the benefits of exercising in a gym and so much more.

Trainer boy is inspiring as fuck, is he not?