Rescue Me

Rescuers treat pure breed owners like it’s a crime to buy versus save. Hello — allergies, and fuck me for not wanting some neurotic, skittish, was tied to a tree for a month, canine that pees on you every time you pet him and shits on the floor when you make eye contact. “We don’t know how old she is, but she’s missing an eye and has cataracts in her good eye, the poor thing, she’s also deaf and she can’t bark because someone severed her vocal chords; isn’t that awful?” Just what I always wanted, the Helen Keller of Canines. It’s like rescuing the most impaled looking creature you can find has become a status symbol (what’s next – a black market for tethered and weathered canines?). Maybe some reproductive enthusiast will come up with a new breed, SNATS — Snakes breed with cats, or Alliots — Alligators breed with parrots; I ask you, IS there ANYTHING that could possibly top a flying, scaly loud mouth?!

Published at Six Sentences

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