Is There A Mansion Purchase Protocol?
When you’re a gazillionaire and want to buy a mansion, do you ring Caldwell Banker or some ridiculously elite secret agent that specializes in over-priced and over-sized homes?
What’s the criterion for choosing a mansion?
If the 20th bathroom has wood panels, do you guffaw? Are 5 living rooms too disturbing to talk about? What about the bedrooms; if it only sleeps 15 with 2 master bedrooms, is that offensive? What if the bushes are carved into a diamond, is that an atrocity worthy of vomiting? What if the Italian mosaic in the foyer has a smudge that will NEVER go away?
What is a deal breaker when shopping for a mansion? If I could afford it, I’d rent a Bentley and go mansion shopping, though I doubt they do open houses. I’m dying to know the questions people ask.
- Buyer: “What wing is designated for the help, and can it sleep 10?”
- Buyer: “You want 10MM for this flop house?! I wouldn’t let my enemy’s enemy sleep here.”
- Buyer: “15MM what a steal. Honey, can you believe how cheap this is? Broker, we’ll take it.”
- Broker: “You know this house was originally a gift from Madonna to her second cousin’s, sister’s dental hygienists, son’s coach.”
Do you wear a hat when you’re mansion shopping? Do you plan ahead by shopping for new clothes and a plastic surgeon? How is it different from renting an apartment or a buying a regular ‘house’?
I’m odd. I know.