Here is a small selection of current and past essays I’ve written.

Mock Paper Scissors/Huffington Post

The American Bystander

Heeb Magazine

Zayde’s First Blowjob (Zayde = Grandfather) *Read at Sit-n-Spin 10/15/15

Is It Jewish

Monkeybicycle & HuffingtonPost

  1. Relax, Jesus Loves You
  2. What Just Happened?
  3. The First Time I Got Felt Up
  4. Finding Normal
  5. If You Like It, Don’t Put A Ring On It
  6. I Plug You That Much
  7. The Nymph, The Nerve, The Ass
  8. Be My Posthumous Friend
  9. Transvadge Apocalypse
  10. Tits on the Table
  11. I Spy Rectal Disharmony
  12. Welcome to my Shame Buffet of a Day
  13. Top 3 Reasons My Sex Life Is Gone with the Wind
  14. A Dirty Pure Breed Owner
  15. Morning, Mourning Glory
  16. Oh, Daegu

To read a short selection of Katie’s essays, please review the following:

  1. Homesick Abortion
  2. Born to Fuck
  3. Shitvitation
  4. This is the Stock I come from
  5. See Mary Run (based on my play. (Feature film forthcoming: WGA#  1034204)
  6. My Legs are Closed for Business
  7. Twilight
  8. Fallujahtini Anyone?
  9. The Mourning After
  10. Vulvacabulary

To read more essays and other works by Schwartz, e-mail her. Ga’head.


  1. Ben Hillyard


    Your strong and direct commentary on the realities of being a woman has come up in my clinical work often. I just wanted to thank you for what you do!

  2. Katie Schwartz


    Thank you so much for taking the time to share this with me, I’m truly honored.


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