Window Wars
- Observational Humor
- 4 Comments on Window Wars
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We’ve established that I have creepy neighbors (hello archives). It should come as no surprise that I’m in a window war with the broad off of my kitchen window, and it is so much fun.
This morning, while I was typing away, minding my own business, she decided to open her blinds and her window. As we all know, I never close a window or a blind. You want to see a Jewx4? Knock yaself out.
Creeparella decided that she was going to have a he’s-on-top-she’s-on-top-from-behind fuck-a-thon with her man, while staring at me. Fab.
Like any respectable dame, I poured myself a cup of coffee, closed my laptop and became the Howard Cosell of sexual intercourse.
KS: You might want to work on your moaning skills. Instead of “Oh, mmm, yeah, baby”, which is trite, consider moaning with “mmphs, oomphas and other ‘f’-ish sounds”. In addition, give some thought to depth of sound. We need to feel the pleasure. Take us on your journey of pleasure. Frankly, we’re just not buying it.
She took my notes. How cool is that? I was invested at this point, and continued.
KS: When he’s on top, you look miserable, like you’re getting a speeding ticket when you’re already late to your appointment. Elbows planted on the bed with your hands cradling your face? You might as well be reading Modern Bride, that will surely extricate his man meat from your vagina. Or, at the very least make him go flacid, we think.
Ignored.
KS: If you’re going to ride your stick de’jour, commit. Don’t frown and roll your eyes. And, for godsakes, must you push his hands away from your breasts with such disdain? Consider placing them elsewhere. A smile won’t kill you, I promise.
Ignored:
KS: What do we think about staring at each other instead of me?
Blinds and window closed by her.
I won.
“Take us on your journey of pleasure…” Goddamn, make me spit coffee outta my nostrils, Katie. Your see-for-free fuck festival is our gain. Why aren’t my neighbors like that? Oh yeah, they’re sane.
So glad I returned from hibernation and sought you out. You still know how to make me laugh, Ms. Schwartz. And you still look like a million bucks.
I would hate to think about how I look as we are doing it. And I would really hate to think that someone was looking at me as I was doing it too now that I think about it. :)
Maybe she secretly longs for you.
@Writersync just tweeted this blogpost. Hilarious. And people keep asking me what to blog about! Just look out the window, people!