Are You Sure You Don’t Want My Email Address?

• Observational Humor
• 1 Comment on Are You Sure You Don’t Want My Email Address?
• Posted on 21 February, 201030 April, 2011
• by Katie Schwartz

Aside from the fact that I have an eye infucktion burning my lady ball, and I’m busier than a tunnel rat foraging for a fuck, and more eggzhausted than a street walker pulling an all nighter wearing this ensemble, I’d say I’m doing mighty fine.

Let’s play the “will you please stop emailing the wrong katiegirl game”, shall we? Great!

Hey katie wua?

What is a wua? Enlighten me. I asked, but didn’t get a response. I’m thinking it’s an acronym for Wear Underwear Always. This begs the question, how do you know I don’t and why is my undergarment status of concern to you.

I was invited to a (not my words) chic champagne brunch by Queen of the Lake, in Reno. If someone can please explain what’s chic about Reno, I’d appreciate it. Having been there many times, I can’t say that it’s synonymous with chic. But, what do I know?!

Kyra screamed this into my inbox:

I invited you to chat !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I explained that I wasn’t the Katie she was looking for, to which she responded by calling me a snot. Really? I was so disillusioned by her response given her zeal to chat. She couldn’t muster a ‘cuntzilla” as Grainy calls me.

My good pal Rye-Rye sent me this. Ha. Loved it.

Rylee is one of our favorites here; she sends me emails all the time and this month was no different. I received 5:

Why don’t you ever email me?!=:(:(:(“.

Three frowns. I hope she didn’t throw herself over a bridge.

Kyra stomped her feet and threw a tantrum later in the month.

I INVITED YOU TO CHAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I think reasoning with her at this stage in our e-stalking relationship isn’t in the cards.

I received another FooPets e-card, this time from Madelyn. Dog. Dead. Deal.

Rylee emailed me with even more frowns, if you can believe it.

I had such a board time at curch:(((((

Love “board”. I sent her a link to postal service of the saved, so she’d feel that her endeavor wasn’t for naught. I also wanted to ask her why she bothered going, but it seemed inappropriate. Speaking of the postal service, did you know there’s a website called Postal Reporter, big postal fun: A postal news blog, postal photos, books, videos and postal attendance. Everybody clap.

Good ol’ Rylee came back for more. Apparently, I forgot a few things…

Hey whats up? Hope you can play. I want to pik to chat with u. Oh and Katie you forgot your pillo again!!!!!!! Well see u soon love, me:)! Rylee if u wer wondering:))!

I appreciated the ‘Rylee if u wer wondering” at the end, concerned that I’d forgotten her. As if?!

How apropos, I just received an email from, I kid you not, 1-800-suicide.