I would…
- Play with them all day regardless of who was watching, my hand would spend so much time in my pants, I’d have to charge it rent
- I’d treat them like marbles and ping-pong balls
- I’d play with them in front of old ladies
- I’d sit in restaurants spread eagle and watch people’s reactions while I was sack-plunging
- I’d unzip my pants and let them hang out every so often for fresh air and a spot of color (always in search of a vitamin D boost)
- I’d nickname them, something manly like “Jimmy the butcher and Vinny the neck:
- I’d give them literary nicknames like “Bukowski and Vonnegut”
15 responses so far ↓
TomCat // February 7, 2010 at 8:18 pm |
Happy Birthday, Katie!!
Robyn // February 8, 2010 at 12:34 am |
Perfect nick-names “Bukowski and Vonnegut”–both assholes!
Fran // February 8, 2010 at 12:44 am |
If you had balls baby, well I would…. hmmm, I would help you with them! Happy Ballsy Birthday!
Bubs // February 8, 2010 at 4:50 am |
“I’d give them literary nicknames like “Bukowski and Vonnegut”
Hahahaha…oh boy. Now I’m going to have to name them. Crap.
Randal Graves // February 9, 2010 at 6:33 pm |
Funny, I feel the same way if I had a vagina.
Jack // February 10, 2010 at 12:01 am |
If I had testicles I know exactly what I’d do with them. Damn, I do have them. Something has to account for these crazy urges, must be them.
XuXu // February 11, 2010 at 12:37 pm |
Ok. You’re awesome.
Wanna be bloggy friends?
to your mother,
XuXu
okjimm // February 11, 2010 at 5:54 pm |
well, iffen you gotz balls… you might want to return them to Obama. Word is he lost his. Or they may be Beck’s…. in which case they are diseased and should be properly disposed of. Or if they are McCain’s they should be wrinkled and shrively and could be used as a prune substitue….. but if they are mine…. please scratch them, I feel an itch.
Cormac Brown // February 13, 2010 at 6:03 am |
Actual testicles are overrated to a degree, and you have more balls than almost anyone else I know.
Rob Gokee // February 16, 2010 at 1:38 am |
I play with my penis FAR more than my testicles.
If I had a vagina… I’d keep my penis and let them play together.
libhomo // February 16, 2010 at 3:21 am |
I think I’ll be obstinate and take this posting literally.
La Belette Rouge // February 17, 2010 at 2:00 pm |
I can admit that you got me to imagine, for just a moment, what it might be like to have them. Yet, I couldn’t take the leap and imagine what I would do with them. It is more fun to sit back and watch you speculate.
Erik Deckers // February 18, 2010 at 5:27 am |
Loved the naming them Bukowsky and Vonnegut.
But you would NOT treat them like ping pong balls. That’s painful.
XuXu // February 20, 2010 at 4:02 pm |
Katie Schwartz!
It’s been too long!
We want more!!!!!!!!!!!
Where Are you???!!!!
Lisa Holley // February 26, 2010 at 3:29 am |
thank you. this gave me the best laughs I have had in a very long time!